Sharon Lechter

Most of my articles are specifically about teaching our children about money, but this article is about the broader subject of “parenting” in general.  Are you a helping parent, or an enabling parent?

Just last year I threw away a colonial building project that my son, Phillip had made for a social studies class project in the ninth grade.  I actually moved this project with the family from Wisconsin to Arizona in 1991, and have no clue as to why.  My son, Phil is 32 years old today and has children of his own.

Saying he had made the project is somewhat of a stretch.

I wanted to be a Super Mom.
I wanted my children to know how much I loved them and supported them.
I wanted to help them in any way.
I wanted them to be, do and have the best.

My son and I spent several days working on this project, up to our eyeballs in cardboard, dough and glue. I was having a great time while he grew more and more frustrated and sullen.

In my mind, I was helping and supporting my son. I felt like a Super Mom. In my son’s mind, a different message was being received.  That message was, “My mom doesn’t think I am capable of doing this on my own, therefore I am not capable.”

As I was dropping him off at school with his project he said, “Mom this is more your project than mine.”  And he was right.

But I still didn’t get it!

The next year he brought home a woodshop project for me that was incredible. The wooden box was very elegant and looked like it had come from Sax Fifth Avenue.  He had made it all by himself.  It was far superior to our colonial house and he had done it alone.

What was the lesson?  Yes, I think it was.

The lesson was: Believe in your children and be a super mom through encouraging them through your words, not your actions. But most of all believe in your children and their own abilities!

Postscript – maybe the most important lesson…
Did I learn my lesson? Not exactly.  There was the project on Brazil for my daughter where I engaged the help of one of my best friends who had connections in Brazil and then there was my youngest son’s high school project…I made sure he had the greatest and most impressive resources… Oh well, I still wanted to be Super Mom.

That’s why I moved the colonial house to Arizona.  I needed a constant reminder to back off and let my children do it on their own!

The same lesson holds true when teaching your children about money.  Would it be better to allow our children to make mistakes with money while they are still at home?  Or wait until they are at college or away from home when they are alone?

Experience it definitely the best teacher.  Allow your children to fail, and then succeed.  It will allow them to appreciate their successes ands strive for more.

That is the key.  Striving for more!

Filed under: Children, Money Tips